The Ex-Factor

A wise person once said (read: Wise person = Me, in one of those pristine philosophical “moments” which more often than not, happen in hindsight) –

Every exclusive person you meet brings about a different experience. Two people can never be exact replicas of each other. Some are exciting, some are extraordinary, some are exceptional, and some others exasperating. When a person exits from your life, you may exhaust yourself in trying to examine the situation. Remember that most relations come with an expiry date. You may not be explicit in expressing your feelings, but extinguish all doubt and be sure that in the end, it all turns out OK!

“Nonsense”, She exclaimed. What She read was –

Every ‘EX’clusive person you meet brings about a different ‘EX’perience. Two people can never be ‘EX’act replicas of each other. Some are ‘EX’citing, some are ‘EX’traordinary, some are ‘EX’ceptional, and some others ‘EX’asperating. When a person ‘EX’its from your life, you may ‘EX’haust yourself in trying to ‘EX’amine the situation. Remember that many relations come with an ‘EX’piry date. You may not be ‘EX’plicit in ‘EX’pressing your feelings, but ‘EX’tinguish all doubt and be sure that in the end, it all turns out OK!

Darn, here goes another one to join the Jilted Lovers’ Club. Anything anyone does will remind Her of the Ex. The way Tom mows the lawn, the way Dick twitches his nose and even the way Harry walks his dog. Yes, the JLC members are spread everywhere. Learn to read between the lines and analyze body language, and you will figure out the Do’s and Don’ts of dealing with this species.

There are sure fire ways of identifying the JLC members (females only, men have yet to be researched), some of which are – 

1)  Puffy eyes – Usually seen in girls who have been crying their hearts out into the pillow (men hate to admit that they have been crying – blame a stray tear on the miscreant shaving brush bristles or something equally blasé). Hidden behind dollops of make-up. You don’t have to be Einstein to know the law of relativity – “The more make-up you wear, the more insecure you are”. Never admit you have noticed the dramatic change in Her. Ever.

2)  Vulnerability – The slightest hint of pity and you become the Go-To person. Tears become more dispensable than toilet rolls. A detailed description of the relationship follows – you are told how amazing the relationship was, how jealous Her best friend was, how He danced like John Travolta, how Red was His favourite colour and Black was His favourite movie; Good Heavens you are even told how Jimmy loved the hem of Her skirt (psst..Was Jimmy the boyfriend or the dog? I’m sorry, She lost me at  Travolta.)

3)  Get filmy – They say “There is a song for every single occasion which may or may not occur in your life – right from your conception, birth and naming ceremony, to death, after life and teddy bears”. Scan through Her iPod and you can surely guess what her playlist sounds like. She drowns herself in the sadistic comfort that music has to offer.  You take Her out to watch Transformers 3 and return frustrated, having faced 3 hours of wailing, complaining and Emotional Atyachaar. 

4)  Vacations – Untimely vacations are questionable, more so when you know that She is not the kind of person to say “Hey Girlies, let’s have an All-Girls Holiday in Goa”. So when She does, you are happy for Her. May be She is ready to forget Him. Of course vacations are good – BUT NOT WHEN GOA IS THE PLACE WHERE SHE FIRST MET HIM AND A YEAR LATER CELEBRATED AN ANNIVERSARY THERE.

5)  Obsessive Compulsive Disorders – If not checked, can get seriously out of hand and backfire. What’s with the sudden love for yellow? Yellow curtains for the house, yellow dresses in the closet, yellow flowers adorning the side table, even yellow bathroom slippers. You need not bother asking why every visible thing in Her room is sunshined up. It is a feeble attempt at a comeback.You know He hated yellow.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are a lot more telltale signs such as random talks on unfairness that life offers, sudden hatred for anything male, swearing against having another relationship, etc. Sure each one has her own period of Lament…but get done with it as soon as possible missy. 

Axe The Ex – and you’ll get along just fine!