(Written for Friday Fictioneers)
It has been so many months since I wrote a flash for FF. Glad to be back 🙂
Photograph by Ted Strutz
Without glancing at the screen behind her, Stella knew it was Dooz at work again.
Dooz had been given his plastic dental tools as a reward for good behaviour.
Each day, he spent some time trying to scrape the life out of the window. ‘I need some fresh air’, he complained in his shrill voice.
It had been three years but there was not even a scratch on the fortified window.
Stella suddenly felt a tap on her shoulder.
The last thing she heard was Dooz’s icy voice in her ear – “You forgot the door was made of weaker glass missy.”
…well, I could have finished writing the entire plot of The Xposé (mind the é) in the headline itself, but on second thoughts there were so many things I wanted to say – that it resulted in the not-so-brief rant given below.
[Spoiler alert: There is nothing I could say that will spoil the movie for you.]
I have never ever gone to the lengths of clicking photographs during a movie and making this kind of photo collage for any celebrity, big or small. But Himesh, you COMMAND my attention.
Anyways, back to the movie.
The story is about cop-turned-South Indian acting sensation Ravi Kumar (Himesh) who gets his first break in Bollywood. Two aspiring actresses vie for attention as they work towards their debut movies. Two directors want to make the biggest movies of their lives. One music director sells the same tune to the two directors and has a hot older wife. And love blossoms somewhere along the way. And then someone dies. And they realise it isn’t suicide, but murder. And the story unfolds in the weirdest way possible. Everyone who is anyone in the movie is on the suspect list without a valid reason. The ‘cop’ in Ravi Kumar surfaces to identify the murderer – not by an act of sleuth, but by (believe-it-or-not) screening everybody with his kaatilana nazar. Sweet.
Another collage for the man. And this time Himesh’s got a personal meme! Woohoo! This guy is unstoppable I tell you.
Anyways, back to the movie.
It has been a while since I saw The Xposé, but I was finding it a bit difficult to put into words what I felt about the movie. Now that I’ve become coherent enough, I shall express my views as thus –
- After more than 2 years, Himesh Reshammiya is back – lean, mean and raring to go! He wears a lot more clothes than the actresses – because hell yeah, they are the ones Xposé-ing. However, he wears a lot of lip gloss and endeavours to pout while attempting to appear suave. Aww adorable. Not.
- The movie has absolutely no premise. The writer has decided to pull up his socks and smoke up while writing the script. Result – there are HUGE gaping holes in the story which are left up to audience to go figure. ‘Involving’ viewers in the story has taken a whole new twist.
- Most of the cast has the emotional bandwidth of a wrinkled piece of cloth hung to dry in the hot sun (Doesn’t make sense, eh? You get the point now?)
- The movie claims to be ‘The Biggest Vintage Musical Thriller of the year’. You see none of these in the movie. Liars.
- The dialogues are lame duck and delivered with such deadpan expressions by Himesh that they are even funnier. Sample this – “Tere jism mein itna khoon nahi hoga jitna Ravi Kumar ek baar mein moot deta hai” or “Itna marunga ke judge ke order order bolne ke pehle tere liye ambulance order ho jayega”
- Why is Irfan Khan in the movie? Just why?
On a different note, there is apparently a part 2 being considered. Like we didn’t have enough with the first. May God collectively bless our souls.