The Thin Line Between Two Ends

Bright bright light. Hurts my eyes suddenly. I try to close my eyelids but they refuse to close. As if they are stapled to my forehead. The bright light. The light so bright.

I want to turn away from the glare. Turn away. Close my eyes and sleep to the soothing sound of water dropping in the distance. Tip-tap-tip-tap. But I can do neither. The neck feels stiff. Unmovable. As though crucified to the cross. My arms and legs feel like lead. Heavy branches hanging from a dying tree. I can’t flay my arms like a rockstar or run my way out. I am the running rockstar. But now a sleeping rock. It’s a strange feeling – no pain and no movement. Like I have woken up from a deep slumber but my body hasn’t.

I feel like a vegetable. Non-expressive, non-communicative. Just a mere vegetable with a thumping heart and beating brain. Vegetable reminds me of my favourite curry that Ma makes. Culinary magic. Ma’s a magician. 

I don’t know how long I have slept. I feel a slight pressure on my hand. Fleeting, but present. My heart leaps – I could Feel. I had felt like I would never feel again. My ever open eyes catch a glimpse of a draped kanjeevaram. I see Ma. Beautiful Ma. Dressed in her best to cheer me up. She always dressed up when she was low- said it made her look at the brighter side of life. Baba and I found it funny. But today I felt cheerful. I tried to catch as many colours as I possibly could.

Baba. I see him sitting listlessly by the window. Crying eyes full of water. But the man he is- he won’t allow a single drop to fall. As though they are his cherished memories that he doesn’t want to let go of. That laughing smile is fixed upside down. Sunlight streaks his face. He looks a decade younger than the last time he gave me a bear hug. Baba. My superman. Now fighting with reality, not the demons of my nightmares. But he is a strong man- my Baba.

Suddenly a revived energy flushes through me. I blink. Move my arms. Wriggle my toes. Stand up and stretch my back. I feel the breath of fresh air. “Independence from the wretched bed”, I want to scream. My reverie is broken by a loud wail. Ma. And a heart wrenching cry that chills me. Baba. It kills me to see my superhero broken.

But I smile now. “I can feel my body now Ma”, I silently scream. “I am free now Baba”, I silently implore. I turn back one last time before leaving- as they crowd a forever static me.

In Coma. A Comma. A Full-stop.

I fly away with the angels.