Who Am I?
No, I’m not suffering from a temporary lapse in memory nor did I wake up in a pristine white hospital room after a head injury to ask the above mentioned question.
It is just one of those fundamental questions that prop up in the mind at the unlikeliest of the places like the exam hall, while running to catch a bus or board a train, while waiting at the other end of the line when the Vodafone tele – talker puts up on an indefinite hold, while filling up an ever – rising mound of annoying files.. or the eternal classic – on the toilet seat.
These three words [asked with an appropriate amount of self – doubt and a wee bit of self – loathing as well] are enough to make you stop doing whatever keeps you busy albeit for a fraction of a second. The second most powerful triad of words [after the much publicized ‘I Love You’ ofcourse!] actually has the potential to question your very existence and shake the foundation of what makes You what you are. It forces you to think whether what you think you are or what others think you are IS actually what you are.
I staunchly believe that it is highly necessary to diligently carry out a session of self – introspection on a regular basis to be up-to-date with yourself. It is one thing to surprise yourself with some self-revelation, but it is another ball game altogether to be continually being caught off guard by your own actions and reactions. Once you actually know what stuff you are made of, then it is easier to showcase yourself as whatever you feel like. It just requires a little imagination, spice and a good deal of acting talent!!
I may be a god-sent angel for the child I saved from being crushed by a car last night, a nonchalant student to my professors, or just a random passenger to the taxi driver. I have so many roles to play – from highly prudent to completely inane. Why is it that it is the same “me” in all situations, acting in the same way as I always do; yet being viewed differently by different people? Why is it that people look at me the way they want to and not look for what I actually am? I don’t think it should be so difficult to accept people as what they are, rather than trying to mould them into what you think they ought to be.
Being a ‘yes man’ to try and please your boss, wife, neighbor or whoever matters, is very easy. There is no time to be wasted on weighing your options. But at the end of the day, do you actually care about what you want? In the bid to please every Tom, Dick and Harry, you give up on your own individual sense of decision making.
It is ok if everyone does not like me. Really. I would rather have a bunch of five friends who love me for what I am, rather than having a hundred friends to whom I don’t matter as much. When everyone is happy with you, then you can be sure that you have compromised way too much in life. I may come across as rude and bashful at times, but if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.
Je suis comme je suis – I am what I am.
Take it or leave it.